How do I find out what turns me on as a Trans person ?
- Erection is a strong marker but after surgery or HRT, transwomen can’t get it. But that does not mean that they do not have any desires anymore. So what are the other markers? Dr Camiel Welling will tell us.
What are some of the signs of being turned on?
Our mind and body have different markers that could pinpoint that I am turned on. You can recognise that you are aroused and so you make sense of your desire.
Anatomy is a big help in this, of course. For those of us who get erections- being turned on is visible to us and we can talk about it with others because they can recognise it too. But it happens sometimes that you get an erection even though you aren’t turned on. So in the mornings when we get erections those are a combination of blood flow and our hormone levels. But we automatically connect it to being turned on even though that is not how our body functions. So sometimes people with penises just think they are aroused because of their erection and so I should not waste my erection and have sex.
But cis and trans-feminine people have a complicated relationship because they do not have an erection marker to prove that they are turned on. Desire is a feeling and we forget to enjoy it by thinking about the end goal which is orgasming by having sex. What happens is that we first think about if I like this person, do I want to be intimate with them? So it starts with kissing and it gets intense eventually and that is when sensuality turns into sexuality and results in the sexual act. So when we focus on the end goal then we don’t understand what our partner wants and then sex becomes boring when we only focus on the end goal. Sex is a journey that the both of you take together and so the both of you should have fun and get pleasure. But when you have a penis and you have erections then it becomes difficult to find other ways. Even though an erection is a good marker of being turned on or even the answer to the question of- do I want to have sex- yes or no?
Sex is not just about orgasm or penetration. Every person has a different definition of sex. And because most of us have different definitions, we end up not having fun because we don’t talk about it openly.
Sex is like dancing, it is about the entire routine and not merely the bows and the audience’s applause. So all of this matters and most importantly, it is not just about the end goal but also your thoughts.