How do I come out to friends?

Questions when coming out

Here’s the message I use to “come out” to and educate people, I am sharing it here so that it may be useful to someone else, please feel free to modify to fit your details.

I have come to realise and accept that I am a non-binary trans woman

I have had incongruity with my assigned gender for most of my life and a persistent inner drive towards a different gender expression

Instead of repressing this part of myself as I have done so far, I am now trying the radically different and much more courageous approach of embracing it instead, and so far this has led to a better and deeper inner-peace within myself despite challenges

I’m done repressing this integral part of me, I’m done being ashamed of it, and I’m done actively hiding/masking it!

Recently, you may have noticed me using a different presentation, voice, gait, self-expression, etc than what you’re used to, and as I go further in this process of self discovery, experimentation and acceptance, you may see me “change” further and in different ways, but I am and will still mostly be the same person that you have always known, only now you may be witnessing a part of me that I’ve never actively/intentionally shown you before

My gender identity and gender expression while important in their own right, are only a part of my much larger personality that you’re familiar with

To learn more:

Given that such a small percentage of the population is trans and given the prevailing transphobic attitudes in society (and media never doing any favours), there’s a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding floating around, it would really help me if you can educate yourself about all this, and here are a few good resources:

Also please do feel free to ask me any questions, but do keep in mind that this is a deeply personal thing for me and as such I may not be able or willing to answer every question, but I will try my best to answer them. At the same time, I believe it’s better that you ask and clarify things rather than holding misconceptions

The frequently asked question I get:

Why the “trans”/”non-binary” label?
Labels are a shot-hand way to explain and understand complex things, and while they’re imperfect in that what you understand by the label may be different from how I see it, they do give you a general idea and put us on the same page more or less. And after a lot of questioning and thinking over the years I feel these labels describe and fit my experiences best

What made you trans?
This would be akin to asking you what made you not-trans (cis). The current scientific understanding points to a combination of genetic, pre-natal developmental and other developmental influences.

How would you like to be referred to?
I am not particularly picky about how people refer to me right now, given that I am early in my transition. And as long as it is respectful it is fine. Pronouns: She/They/He – Her/Them/Him all work fine right now. But at the same time I personally would prefer that you refer to me in a feminine or a gender neutral way when you can

Are you gay?
I have usually been and still continue to generally be attracted to women, and have never really/strongly been into men that way, so far. And it is quite possible that I might be somewhere on or close to the asexual/aromantic spectrum

Will you medically transition?
Not at the moment (and it may be possible that I’ll never do so). I am generally averse to serious medical interventions unless there’s a strong need for them, and right now I don’t feel there is, but this could change as I move forward. I am transitioning in other ways. I view transitioning as a journey to find peace and acceptance within yourself and being able to express your true self; And right now I am focusing on breaking down and resolving specific issues I have with myself (gender dysphoria), starting with my voice, hair, presentation, etc. At some point I may meet up with a psychologist and get fully evaluated for my GID certificate before moving further medically.

Will you join the Hijra?
No, I’m generally very averse to cults and cult-like groups. The unfortunate reality for a lot of trans people in the Indian Subcontinent is that they’re pushed out of their homes, schools and jobs and are forced to turn to one of these groups as a last resort, that in my perception tend to exploit them and push them into organised begging or prostitution (while they do seem to offer much needed support and protection as well). I consider myself blessed in that I don’t have to turn to them. Now with rising acceptance, and the courage and work of a lot of brave trans men, women and non-binary people, and allies like yourself, we have more Indian trans people starting to openly participate in all kinds of regular & mainstream roles and professions, and the newer globally connected generation is less pressured to seek help from/join such groups

We like to thank S18009 for sharing this article in our Talk forum:



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