swapna Hey Swapna, I just briefly read your passage and I guess understood. I am just stating few things based on my experience and perceptions It is not that advise or anything I like to contradict with your statements. I just want to make it clear that I am with you and I completely respect your feelings and thoughts.
Sex is not a bad thing at all and watching porn is not at all bad. If I were like you I would enjoy the moments I will not look into the thing very deeply whether it is absolutely right or not. Just enjoy and complete your wishes. It is not at all a bad thing. Your jealous is a positive sign just grab whatever you can can and try yourself and enjoy it. Don't think that You look differently. The matter is how you visualize yourself how do you treat yourself how do you imagine yourself that is you. External features can be changed over the time that's the show stopper for you to stop enjoying your lives.
Doctors will not have a complete picture and may not understand your feelings in all the aspects. Ofcourse I am not discount any doctors it is just in my experience that i have met so many doctors everyone varies from one after the other. some we like it and some we don't so lets not get into that. It is about you how you feel it how you enjoy it how you take it. It's all in in you do not think about much on others opinion of yours. They have nothing to define you who you are and be what you are.
As you said you are doubted sometimes about your true identity its okay good to doubt so that you will more clear about you and more stronger about you. Let people say its a fetish or whatsoever its okay don't hear so much other noises. Just focus on what you like and what you do want to enjoy. Over the time you would realize yourself what you are.
I bet you will not end up in addition and it is just that you may want to dress like that or act like that doesn't mean that you will become a bad person and you want though. You have your control you know what is right for you and what is not so work on those things and act on it. Lets not get into result for now such as will i beome like that. that's far way to go no one can answer at the point. It's okay let people say that you are stubborn or whatssoever that's not you and that not going to matter you. You just be honest to yourself and enjoy the fullest of your life well ofcourse certain things you might face as a restrictions but be emicable and flexible at sometimes and enjoy your privacy and keep going. At the same time do not loose focus on others things. Just keep working hard, studing hard and try to be good with everyone and maintain a pleasant relationship with all. That's it you should be good and you are good to go. Stay bold, be happy and safe and enjoy your moments and keep rocking. Thank you!!
