I have struggled my share and still am struggling to see my true self. I found this website only today and I have shared a bit about myself at the following link:
For those, who are facing difficult times, I wish to inform that I will be available at any time to lend support during emotional breakdown, because that is the time when you need someone to take care of you. However, I want to share few thoughts, which I wish people will go through and decide for themselves about what they are made of.
This post of mine primarily deals with: "Are you a Fighter or a Quitter?" This assumes significance in easing out the emotional stress which every person is suffering due to Gender Dysphoria faces.
The words 'Transsexual' and 'Transgender' are relatively still new to the Indian Society. For decades, for generations, the Society only knows one term "Hijra" (different names in different States in India). They link everything to the curse given to Arjuna in Mahabharat where he had to live one year as Brihannala (Hijra). So, persons with Gender Identity Disorder in India, the country which still revolves around millions of Gods and varied cultures, were treated by the Society as Hijras irrespective of the inner feelings. I see no point in a person being called a Transsexual once he or she changes their sex with the final Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS). But, that term shed a lot of light to people like us.
First, India (that part of the educated youth and select few open minded parents or elders) is slowly opening up to this concept. For India to become fully empowered in this field, it will take decades considering the fact that we are still languishing as a developing nation for decades. However, I feel that the youngsters who are very open to this subject these days will make good parents in future shaping the Society understand. But who knows, until and unless it comes to one's own life, nobody can judge it. Those who belong to the poor segment of the Society, who have Gender Dysphoria, and insufficient knowledge about the same, they find 'Hijras' as their God. Because, they think if they join them it will be easier for them to dress as a woman and lead the life as a woman (at this stage, pause for a moment and think how difficult it is for a female who always wished to be a man. They had no place to go.) These are the persons who do not have any material privileges like we have (computer, transgender support website and few friends from the community). They neither have sound monetary status. They will be ridiculed in the villages and also lack education. That is the primary reason why they join the 'Hijra' community, as far as I am concerned. It is unfortunate that, like in any other community, every sphere, we have the good and bad here too.
Secondly and MOST IMPORTANTLY, it will be a very hard fight for everyone who is going to pursue and transform themselves into their true self and to be accepted as a Man or a Woman. Like death, this is also inevitable. You will get bullied from childhood, at school, college, job and on streets. But, will you want to lead your own life or your fate is written by the Society? I have been studying since 1998 about the issue which bothered me since 1990 (when I first openly told my mom that I want to be a girl, I never repeated ever to her again). Still I live as a man with a happy family. Yet, every moment I have been dying within myself. However, I knew I was not a coward. This is a challenge which everyone faces. Will you want to face it or succumb to the depression? Believe me, recent past has been a very hard time for me when my concentration has gone to nuts. The only thing I talk to my wife always is when is she gonna come along with me to the Doctor (fortunately, it happened today and I am very elated). It is not a cake walk. Nothing in this life is a cake walk. This is just like your Class IX Mathematics Examination. Make yourself strong enough to become a Fighter and not a Quitter. If you succumb to the societal needs, then your very existence is doomed. When you get bullied anywhere, open up this web page or chat with friends who understand you.
For kids who are going to colleges and are completely dependent on their parents and who are not supportive and are unaware of Gender Dysphoria and are ignorant enough to not know about it at all, my sincere suggestion is to first gain education. Because, the more you persist, there is every likelihood that parents will not support you to even study. Stay under their roof and gain adequate qualification which will enable you to then lead your own life. In the mean time, during happy moments try to throw in some stuff their way to educate them about Gender Dysphoria.
I really want this website to grow length and breadth of this nation in order to provide as much help as possible to persons suffering with Gender Dysphoria and are clueless about what they should do. Also, I want this website to be very active when it comes to rescuing a person on his or her post when made in severe depression. Because, not having anyone by their side during depression is the worst stage.
I would request the Moderators of this website to keep a strict watch on the sharing of information that relates to the dosage of medicine in order to eliminate risks for people who wish to buy the medicines over the counter without consulting a psychologist and subsequently an endocrinologist. Request you to put an embargo over sharing of that information in the forum.
IT IS YOUR LIFE, YOUR RULES. YOU MAKE YOUR DESTINY.
SO, ARE YOU A FIGHTER OR A QUITTER?