Carrot thanks for the comments! Atleast someone responded.
to your suggestion, i have been cding in private pretty much all my life and sometimes my euphoria used to get better of me and i tried that in public too, alone! So that’s that!
another thing is, i am pretty afraid to my family reactions if i came out to this at this point of life. My better half has hints but nothing conclusive. Guess I am pretty good at satisfying people’s arguments. But our sex life hasnt been great even though i define myself as trans lesbian! Having said that, i am definitely not attracted to men, but gals only. So to think it’s pretty messed up in my brain wirings to explain to anyone else in my family.