Hi, I am a married crossdresser and have been very fortunate with an accepting partner. I did not come out directly to her, but some circumstances, where she was in a position to confess something to me, provided me the opportunity to spill my own secrets to her.
I have written a book about my experiences, including the circumstances under which I came out to my wife. Please follow the link if you are interested in reading my book: "the adventures of an Indian transvestite"
I do understand that all marriages are not the same and the same methods may not lead to the same end results, but I do hope that all aspiring are at least as fortunate as me in this endeavor.