Hey guys.
Ever since I have been a child, i was fond of wearing girls clothes. They just looked great on me and i even got photos of me in them taken. As a child i used to wear my mothers clothes and wear my mum's hair extensions and i used to just stand there closing my eyes thinking that if i probably wished for long enough i might eventually become a girl. Well "SHOCKINGLY" i didn't change. I used to repeat this almost everyday until one day i came to my senses that it wasn't possible. That was i guess around 4th grade. So i tried accepting myself to be a guy. I was also attracted to girls so i felt like i am just a guy for sure. Then I heard the term "trans" in 9th grade. I read about it a lot. Something about this always intrigued me. I was extremely interested and i just felt like me all of a sudden. It related to me in a lot of ways. When i was a child, kids always bullied me cuz i was a weak kid. I was pretty much an extremely sensitive kid. i got bullied for being like a girl. Although i never cross dressed or showed any signs of it in front of my peers, it was too embarrasing for me. but I wasn't concious about all this. I just felt i was maybe an extremely sensitive kid and its just me who's the problem. When i was a child i used to play a game with my sister(cousin) wherein i would pretend to be her and she would be me. Something about this just made me feel amazing. But i was still in the unknown. i wasn't in an environment to learn about being trans. Gradually when i learnt more about it. Everything just sort of fell into place about why i was this girly. I always had an issue with guys touching me. I mean guys touch like literally everywhere, so it was just extremely awkward and weird for me to have guy friends. I have a lot of friends who are girls. Its just so comfortable being around them.
But although all this seems convincing enuf, when i came out to my best friend she was unsure. Though she was extremely supportive, she just felt like there may be something more to it. Or less. She spoke to one of her transgender friends. Her friend (undergoing MTF transition) said that my reasons are not trans enuf. They are not satisfying apparently. Apparently she faced waaaaaaaaaay more problems than i did and she feels that I'm doing this just to feel unique and stand out. (It was quite a mean thing to say). But my best friend made me understand whatever her friend told in a different way. She reminded of the number of girls i have dated, my love for sports and also my love for video games. All these are never typical girl characters. She told me try and understand myself.
Listening to all this i was just perplexed and not sure about what to say. I always fantasize about waking up a girl the next day but that would never happen. And i started doubting myself about what i want. I am extremely confused and i dont know what i am. I feel terrible and absolutely heartbroken due t this conflict in head.
I would love to receive advice from u guys.
THANKS A LOT FOR READING.
