Coming out as person who loves trans woman - love? lust?

avinash

Hey friends, before joining I read lot of posts and conversations and I felt perhaps this is right place to put forth my thought process and find suggestions

I am a straight man (i mean doing anal with a girl is still the same with trans woman or a man, right? idk, still confuses me now i think of it) and for a very long time I had suppressed this feeling of my liking towards a trans woman mainly because I felt a girl with her thing isnt my type, but surely I had this urge of approaching a trans woman. Perhaps because of feminity idk, I just loved them regardless

My fundamentals remain the same - respect everyone. At work while I was in Bengaluru a few years ago, there was this cute girl who used to come asking for money every weekend or so. One day I was alone at the office and she came in asking for money and I asked her to sit down and talk to me first. She said nobody had treated her that way before and at the end of conversation we exchanged numbers. Our conversation was very limited because she wasnt online most times but I asked her out few weeks later and she clearly denied it. I was surprised and asked her why - she said i wouldnt understand and she wouldnt go out with me. After that it was just hi-byes and eventually number didnt exist anymore! Perhaps she changed her number and didnt want to share with me. Anyway, end of story there

Few months ago I met a person online during gaming (dota 2) she is transgirl. It kind of rekindled my interest in TS girl again and we were on regular chat. We exchanged many ideas about how she sees herself and what she wants from a man, etc. Point is, I look into ts girl's eyes I feel that connection like I want to be with her but then theres also denial. Because that kind of connection I have had with only few girlfriends (now ex) in my life and never a stranger whom I dont even know. That connection thing - I see that in regular girl and ts girl and I felt that is odd perhaps I shouldnt be feeling that way or I might have a fantasy

So anyway, I joined dating sites to find out exactly what it is that I feel. There is this girl I really adore, I have approached her and we are beginning conversation. She is very feminine, confident, smart, independent woman. Now - the most important part and finally arriving at my question. She wants to have ltr leading to marriage. I am open to it. I know my parents will be shocked but I feel my future and happiness is my choice.

I love a girl and I love a trans girl. Sexual preferences perhaps matter less for now. Am I really in love with a trans woman and beginning to think of serious commitment with her? Or am I living in a fantasy and just trying to satisfy my imagination? Is it just lust or something more?

I ll be happy to hear from you all and help me out ?

PS - excuse most of my terminologies, they may be incorrect, but you get the point

Peace

avinash hi and thanks for sharing. So you like girls with a penis. That's ok, as long you like other girls equally. So it might very likely be a fetish for you. There are examples of many men genuinely liking similar stuff, but I think it has more to do with how masculinity is viewed in society. And who knows, you might even be a repressed transgender woman yourself.
Bottom line just be yourself and don't bother what others think. Peace! ?

AryaStark

Peace Well, I kind of disagree with you.

> Peace That's ok, as long you like other girls equally

I think it is more complicated than that. People don't have purely intellectual relationships (Like Sheldon Cooper?), there is a physical attraction too. Now if people are allowed to be attracted to men (with P) or women (with V) "exclusively" then why can't they be attracted to trans-people (Pre-op i.e men with V or women with P) exclusively. It is a problem when this people won't show their attraction in public or you know all those people, who won't introduce their partner to family and friends and all the other chasers like behaviors etc. Other than this I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to pre-op transgender person only. I won't call it a fetish. Fetish is:

"a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc."

You don't say gay people have penis fetish or straight guys have fetish of vagina (Some of them does have it though?). Now lets get back to the main topic. I am not trying to defend OP. Honestly, I don't even understand OP's situation. Nobody can answer whether you're in love or not. You have to decide that for yourself. But assuming you are genuinely attracted to transwoman (and this attraction is not centered around her thing only) then what's bothering you?

> avinash Sexual preferences perhaps matter less for now

Maybe you are pansexual but not aware of that. How did you know that you're in love in the past (with your "few girlfriends")? It is the same thing. Love is love, it's not that different. Maybe think about how would everything change if your partner decides to get SRS in future. Would you still want to be with her? Answering these questions might give you more insight.

I hope that helps.

Valar Morghulis

lana

avinash Hi Avinash, nice headline, and so very true. It's not just we who come out, but our partners, families and friends as well.

For your query, this should help:
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/kb4jw9/the-straight-men-who-have-sex-with-trans-women
and this too -
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/34piim/im_dating_a_trans_girl_and_everyone_is_mocking_me/

To your question:

> I love a girl and I love a trans girl. Sexual preferences perhaps matter less for now. Am I really in love with a trans woman and beginning to think of serious commitment with her? Or am I living in a fantasy and just trying to satisfy my imagination? Is it just lust or something more?

Firstly, a transgirl is a girl. A girl and a transgirl aren't different people ? unless you meant cisgirl and transgirl.

Secondly, are you in love? Or is it just lust and a fantasy? Simple answer - are you no longer infatuated with her once you orgasm. If you like her just as much without the sex as with, before the orgasm as after, you like her. And it's not a fantasy.

Ask yourself - Are you with her because she is trans? What if she was cis? Would you still be with her? What if being trans was no big deal tomorrow, not a fetish/kink/something 'exciting and different', would you still find her as interesting?

Read the links, I would recommend. Then think of this - There are many things you will give up, to be with a transgirl like her. You will lose some friends, some family. You will be called 'gay'. Your colleagues will judge you. You may have to rise to her defense everyday - some comment in the street, some guy making a pass etc. It can be exhausting, and you may wonder why you're doing all this. What is the point?

Then she will/may have expectations of you - will you shy away from admitting she is trans to others? Will you ask her to hide her identity? Will you be OK with adopting and not having biological kids with her? Will you be OK if she doesn't visit your family/hers if you face discrimination from them? Will you be OK knowing it could very well on many instances, be the two of you against the world?

Because you know, and she knows, you can just date a cisgirl and have possibly have none of the issues.
If ALL of this is still something you think you would do to be with her, then you've answered your own question.

Hope you find the answers you seek! ?

AVL7036

avinash
do not judge yourself for who u r ..!
do not seek any approval from anyone ..! love yourself for who u r ..!
u r a good soul enjoy your stay here at earth . remember u r not permanent here so do not waste your time in messing up your head . by judging yourself .!
stay blessed and happy ..!
take care ..!

avinash

Peace Thank you ? Yes, I like girls with penis or with vagina but I like them genuinely. Your thought about being transgender woman - hmmmm, never thought of it that way, because I felt very 'masculine' in thoughts and actions and tend to be alpha, dominant one. Other genders can have these traits too but I didnt have the feeling of repressing.

I watch this channel - The Real Ladyboy Show and in one of videos it goes - why you may like a transgender woman is because she has been a man and she is woman so she perfectly understands what her man needs. I feel it could be similar to my thinking too because of all the heartbreaks in the past, I want to get away from the demanding, self-centered, selfish, egotists and really connect with someone who understands emotions and needs of a man. This breed exists in all genders though

So, it is not just physical but deep down a sense of belonging and connection that I can have with them

Peace

AryaStark well if you really want to get technical, everyone does have a fetish because are generally attracted to social constructs of gender. Realistically, everyone is pansexual. Everything else is learnt while growing up.

avinash everyone is different, many trans women are equally messed up as rest of society. Maybe you also have an emotional fetish.

And having a fetish is not bad? Just embrace who you really are, and don't try to justify it.

All the best I hope you find your happiness.

NandhiniAnand

AryaStark Valar Morghulis

But we're not men. giggle

AryaStark

NandhiniAnand Yeah we should say ābrar Morghulis

NandhiniAnand

AryaStark don't speak, but looked it up to be sure.. now I am wondering how to say all living things in high valyrian.. ?